those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize