I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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