Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
