Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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