Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
