If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
