guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
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