was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
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