there's paper in my vomit.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
