Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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