I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
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