I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize
