I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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