they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
You ruined the universe
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Randomize
