Michael Bay diarrhea
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
