He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
