If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
Randomize