I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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