So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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