Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize