is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
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