WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Brb crying the tears of my youth
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Randomize
