sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
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