that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
Randomize
