Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Randomize
