just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize
