If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Randomize
