flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Randomize
