Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
