Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
