You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
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