Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
