So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
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