The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
