She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
Did I show you my penis last night?
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Randomize
