He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize
