Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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