wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
