i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Randomize
