Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize