well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
