I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
This is my gift to your gina
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Randomize
