im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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