Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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