i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
