So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Randomize
