She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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