I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
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