Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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