garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
