I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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