So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
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