I skipped work to stalk him.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
