Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
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