I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
What a dumb baby whore.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
