I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
