Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
