i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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