my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
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