i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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