u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
just come out here and I will go home with you...
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize
