Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Randomize
