Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
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