Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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