somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
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