i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize