I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Randomize
