I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
