There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Randomize
