she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
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