What a fucking waste of an outfit
dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Randomize
