And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
