he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
