I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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