I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Randomize
