Your tits are I can't wait for
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize