She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Randomize
