i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Randomize
