There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
