Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
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