Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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